Moving to a new country is often painted as the ultimate adventure. It’s an opportunity to explore exotic destinations, build a global career, and immerse yourself in new cultures. Social media often highlights the glamorous side of expat life: snapshots of scenic locales, bustling marketplaces, and enviable brunch spreads in quaint cafes. But beneath this glossy narrative lies a more complicated reality - one that’s often ignored or dismissed.

As a therapist working with expats and Third Culture Kids, I’ve seen firsthand how moving countries can be both thrilling and deeply challenging. While the excitement of new beginnings is undeniable, the emotional, social, and practical stresses of starting over are less openly discussed. Let’s take a moment to explore the hidden side of moving countries - the parts that deserve just as much attention as the excitement.

The Emotional Toll of Uprooting

Leaving behind a familiar environment isn’t as simple as packing your bags and hopping on a plane. For many, it’s a process of letting go of an entire life - relationships, routines, and small comforts that once brought stability. Even when the move is voluntary, the grief of losing what was familiar can be significant. You might find yourself missing not just people, but mundane details like the way your neighborhood smelled after it rained or the ease of knowing exactly where to shop for groceries.

This loss often leads to a sense of displacement, where you’re physically in a new place but emotionally still tied to the one you left behind. It’s normal to feel untethered or nostalgic in these moments, even as you’re trying to build excitement for what lies ahead.

Culture Shock Isn’t Just an Adjustment Period

Culture shock is sometimes misunderstood as something you experience briefly before you “get the hang of” your new surroundings. In reality, it can be an ongoing experience that impacts your mental and emotional well-being. Adapting to new customs, unspoken social rules, and even basic things like how to greet someone or navigate public transportation can feel overwhelming. And just when you think you’ve adjusted, unexpected situations can bring back that feeling of being out of place.

For example, language barriers can create moments of profound frustration, even for those who are fluent in the local language. Nuances like humor, idioms, or tone can make you feel like you’re on the outside looking in, no matter how hard you try to fit in.

Career and Financial Stress

A move abroad often comes with career opportunities, but the adjustment isn’t always seamless. For working expats, there’s the pressure to excel in a new professional environment while navigating different workplace cultures, expectations, and communication styles. For trailing partners, the challenges can include losing a sense of professional identity, financial independence, or purpose.

Managing finances can also become a significant stressor. From fluctuating exchange rates to hidden costs like international health insurance or shipping personal belongings, the financial strain can add up quickly. For some, these challenges can overshadow the initial excitement of the move.

Building Social Connections

Starting over socially in a new country is often more difficult than expected. Making friends as an adult is already challenging, but adding cultural differences and transient expat communities to the mix can make it feel almost impossible. The social networks you build may not always offer the depth or longevity you’re seeking, especially if others are also moving in and out frequently.

This social instability can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, even in bustling cities or tight-knit expat circles. You might find yourself longing for deeper connections, only to feel stuck in surface-level interactions.

Identity and Belonging

One of the most profound challenges of moving countries is the way it impacts your sense of self. Many expats grapple with a fractured sense of identity, feeling caught between the culture they left behind and the one they’re trying to integrate into. You might not feel fully part of your host culture, but over time, you also lose a sense of belonging to your home culture. This “between worlds” feeling can create existential questions about who you are and where you truly belong.

For expats raising children, this struggle often extends to their families. How do you pass down cultural traditions or values when your environment doesn’t reflect them? How do you explain to your children why they might feel different from their peers?

Impact on Mental Health

The cumulative effect of these stresses can take a significant toll on mental health. Anxiety, depression, and burnout are common among expats, even those who initially seem to thrive in their new environments. The constant mental load of adapting to new surroundings, combined with the emotional weight of displacement, can leave you feeling drained.

Adding to this challenge is the difficulty of accessing mental health support in a new country. Finding a therapist who understands your cultural background and language can feel daunting, leaving many to navigate these struggles alone.

The Strain on Relationships

Moving countries doesn’t just affect you - it impacts your relationships with others. For couples, the move can bring up differences in how each partner copes with the transition. One partner might thrive while the other struggles, creating tension and misunderstandings. For families, children might adapt at a different pace than their parents, leading to frustration or guilt.

Long-distance relationships with family and friends back home can also become a source of stress. Time zone differences and busy schedules make it harder to stay connected, and over time, you might notice these relationships drifting apart.

Reframing the Narrative

While moving countries can be an exciting chapter in your life, it’s important to acknowledge the full picture. The richness of the experience doesn’t cancel out the challenges, and vice versa. Both can coexist. By allowing yourself to recognize the hidden stresses, you create space to address them rather than dismiss them as “part of the package.”

If you’re navigating the complexities of expat life, here are some steps you can take:

• Seek Community: Look for local support groups, expat communities, or online forums where you can share your experiences with others who understand.

• Validate Your Struggles: Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, whether it’s grief, frustration, or loneliness. These emotions are valid and deserve attention.

• Access Professional Support: If possible, connect with a therapist who specializes in expat or cross-cultural issues. They can help you process the transition and build coping strategies.

• Stay Connected: Prioritize meaningful connections with loved ones, even if it takes extra effort to navigate time zones and distance.

• Take It Slow: Give yourself permission to adjust at your own pace. There’s no right or wrong timeline for feeling “at home” in a new place.

The narrative around moving countries doesn’t need to be all glamour or all struggle. It can be both. By acknowledging the challenges alongside the excitement, you allow yourself to experience the journey in its entirety.